"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!

Are you truly living in alignment with your values, or do the expectations of others shape you? How do you begin to define your own character when emotional immaturity and narcissism are at play in your relationships? In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to build a sense of character and integrity—especially for those who may have spent years putting others’ needs above their own. Through stories, reflection, and therapeutic insight, we’ll explore how a pathologically kind person can break free from people-pleasing patterns and begin to understand their true values and beliefs. 



Discover how character is not only about the values you hold but also what you’re willing to tolerate or excuse in yourself and others. We’ll unpack David Schnarch’s Four Points of Balance to guide you in building a strong, flexible sense of self, showing how true integrity is about standing steady in your own identity, even when external pressures try to sway you. Join us to learn how you can move beyond external validation, live from your core, and start showing up as your authentic self in all your relationships.



You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock



00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:17 Listener Engagement and Social Media

01:13 Riley Hope's Anthem

01:38 Evander's Story Begins

02:32 The Social Club Dilemma

04:02 Sam's Concerns and Evander's Changes

06:35 Tony's Personal Reflection

11:48 Understanding Integrity and Character

17:51 Tom and Jerry: A Case Study

29:10 Navigating Relationships with Integrity

34:53 Navigating Integrity and Character in Relationships

35:18 Challenges for the Pathologically Kind Person

37:47 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism

46:12 Pat and Chris: Real-Life Scenarios

53:31 Breaking Free: Strategies for Pat

01:01:31 Constructing the Crucible for Personal Growth

01:08:46 Final Thoughts on Integrity and Self-Discovery

Are you truly living in alignment with your values, or do the expectations of others shape you? How do you begin to define your own character when emotional immaturity and narcissism are at play in your relationships? In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to build a sense of character and integrity—especially for those who may have spent years putting others’ needs above their own. Through stories, reflection, and therapeutic insight, we’ll explore how a pathologically kind person can break free from people-pleasing patterns and begin to understand their true values and beliefs. 



Discover how character is not only about the values you hold but also what you’re willing to tolerate or excuse in yourself and others. We’ll unpack David Schnarch’s Four Points of Balance to guide you in building a strong, flexible sense of self, showing how true integrity is about standing steady in your own identity, even when external pressures try to sway you. Join us to learn how you can move beyond external validation, live from your core, and start showing up as your authentic self in all your relationships.



You find Riley Hope's "Not My Job" streaming information here: https://linktr.ee/rileyhopematlock



00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:17 Listener Engagement and Social Media

01:13 Riley Hope's Anthem

01:38 Evander's Story Begins

02:32 The Social Club Dilemma

04:02 Sam's Concerns and Evander's Changes

06:35 Tony's Personal Reflection

11:48 Understanding Integrity and Character

17:51 Tom and Jerry: A Case Study

29:10 Navigating Relationships with Integrity

34:53 Navigating Integrity and Character in Relationships

35:18 Challenges for the Pathologically Kind Person

37:47 Understanding Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism

46:12 Pat and Chris: Real-Life Scenarios

53:31 Breaking Free: Strategies for Pat

01:01:31 Constructing the Crucible for Personal Growth

01:08:46 Final Thoughts on Integrity and Self-Discovery

Waking Up to Narcissism

What Do You Stand For? From People-Pleasing to Self-Discovery: A Journey of Character and Integrity

Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.



00:00 Welcome and Introduction

01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope

02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry

05:26 Exploring Allegories

06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins

12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery

16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection

17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma

18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance

19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris

20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity

22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt

22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery

23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations

25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance

26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort

27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance

29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family

31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity

33:02 Conclusion and Call to Action



If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com



If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com

Navigating Societal Expectations, Faith Crisis and Personal Growth - the Allegory “Off the Beaten Path”

Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the potentially harmful effects of an article titled “What Is Disarming A Narcissist? 12 Simple Ways To Do So” (https://tinyurl.com/2u8d7sjb) that oversimplifies interactions with narcissists. He distinguishes between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the broader spectrum of emotional immaturity, emphasizing the small percentage of diagnosed cases of narcissistic personality disorder. Tony critiques the casual and inflated use of the term 'narcissist' and clarifies that real narcissism and emotional immaturity come with significant implications in relationships. He breaks down the common traits of emotional immaturity, such as anger management issues and lack of accountability, and stresses the need to understand one's emotional maturity level. Tony also passionately refutes a technique involving empathy as a means to reach narcissists, highlighting its ineffectiveness and potential harm. This episode provides invaluable insights into protecting oneself from narcissistic abuse, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and the journey toward emotional growth.



00:00 Introduction to Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity

01:44 Understanding Emotional Immaturity

05:49 The Spectrum of Emotional Maturity

06:55 A Personal Anecdote on Emotional Maturity

11:07 Exploring Empathy and Narcissism

15:45 Critique of Simplistic Solutions for Narcissism

18:52 The Complexity of Narcissistic Relationships

22:55 Ineffective Communication Strategies with Narcissists

25:42 Understanding Narcissistic Supply

27:03 Disarming a Narcissist: Tips and Challenges

29:39 The Complexity of Empathy with Narcissists

33:57 The Path to Differentiation and Self-Care

46:54 Concluding Thoughts on Narcissism



If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com



If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com

When Advice Goes Wrong: The Impact of Inaccurate Guidance in Narcissistic Relationship

Have you ever opened up to someone, only to have your vulnerability used against you? In this episode of Waking Up to Narcissism, we introduce the concept of the “attack surface”—that uncomfortable dynamic where emotionally immature or narcissistic partners turn your honesty into their weapon of control. We’ll also explore how this need for control originates from emotional immaturity, dive into the origin story of our deep-seated fear of abandonment, and discuss practical ways to develop your emotional maturity. From separating observations from judgments to the 4 Points of Balance in differentiation, this episode offers tools to help you confront unresolved personal issues in relationships with integrity and create healthier, more connected interactions.

Are you in the mental health profession and are curious about using AI (artificial intelligence) notes? Check out Berries, the notes Tony described in today's episode. Click here https://berries.icu/?code=4952 Or use code Tony50 when you sign up to get $50 off your first month of Berries revolutionary AI, HIPPA-compliant mental health notes. If you are interested in seeing an example of a note, email tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:18 Speaking Engagements and Personal Anecdotes
03:13 The Concept of Attack Surface
11:36 Real-Life Example: Alex and Taylor
15:03 Understanding Emotional Immaturity
22:39 Control as a Defense Mechanism
26:57 Origins of Fear and Emotional Abandonment
28:02 Example Scenario: Jamie and Sam
29:09 Sam's Fear and Defensive Reactions
31:00 The Impact of Emotional Immaturity
38:21 Observations vs. Judgments
42:08 Developing Emotional Maturity
45:22 The Four Points of Balance
49:55 Confronting Personal Issues with Integrity

If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com

If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com

Tony Overbay LMFT

Waking Up to Narcissism by Tony Overbay LMFT

Episodes