On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.

Dr. Jamie Marich is a facilitator of transformative experiences. A clinical trauma specialist, expressive artist, writer, yoga teacher, performer, short filmmaker, Reiki master, TEDx speaker, and recovery advocate. Marich has taught conscious dance seminars at various conferences nationally, internationally, and online, and has trained more than 500 facilitators in the Dancing Mindfulness practice. She is also the author of several books including the original Trauma and the 12 Steps.    Dr. Stephen Dansiger is a master EMDR therapist and provider of EMDR Basic Training and Advanced Topics Courses with the Institute for Creative Mindfulness, and has helped set up the premiere Buddhist addictions rehab center, Refuge Recovery Centers. He has been practicing Buddhist mindfulness for almost 30 years (including a one year residency at a Zen monastery), and teaches dharma classes regularly in Los Angeles and other centers internationally.   TAKEAWAYS: [3:40] Why did Dr. Jamie and Dr. Stephen write a Trauma and the 12 Steps workbook?  [6:40] Dr. Jamie loves writing books because it’s accessible for everyone, especially those who might not be able to afford therapy.  [7:35] What made Dr. Stephen excited to collaborate with Dr. Jamie?  [11:55] How do people heal their trauma while they’re also reliving it?  [13:40] What is the greatest gift about being a therapist specializing in trauma?  [17:00] Why throw 12-step practices into this mix of trauma and healing? [21:00] People enjoy the structure that 12 Steps brings and it makes it easier for them to follow a healing journey if they know what to expect. [30:00] Dr. Jamie talks about Step 6 and how it can perpetuate feelings of shame.  [33:40] Now that you know about your trauma, what are the next steps? It’s important not to fall into a victim mindset. [43:30] What is mindfulness, really?  [47:55] Many people who have come into a 12-step program have been wounded by God, and end up missing out on a wealth of knowledge and healing.  [50:20] What books should you start with first?    RESOURCES: <a href="https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sex and Relationship Healing</a> <a href= "https://twitter.com/robweissmsw">@RobWeissMSW</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-101-Basic-Healing/dp/0757318436"> Sex Addiction 101 </a> <a href="https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seeking Integrity</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men </a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Prodependence-Moving-Codependency-Robert-Weiss/dp/075732035X"> Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency</a> Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss <a href= "https://www.drjamiemarich.com/">Drjamiemarich.com</a> <a href= "http://www.drdansiger.com/healing-addiction-with-emdr-therapy-book"> Drdansiger.com</a> <a href= "https://www.traumamadesimple.com/">Traumamadesimple.com</a>   QUOTES: <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “There is not a separation between trauma therapy and 12 Steps, and Buddhist practice. It all goes together.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “Hurt people hurt people, but how I really like to reframe that is trauma is this phononym where you can bleed all over each other.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “Yes I am responsible for adult behavior but I am not a bad person. I wasn’t responsible for what happened to me, but how I learned to adapt and survive, I am responsible for.” </li> </ul>

Sex, Love, and Addiction

Foundation of Hope: The 12 Steps Way to Healing from Trauma with Dr. Jamie Marich and Dr. Stephen Dansiger

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses the 5 things that break a relationship apart, how to recover from a betrayal, and how to live a pro-relationship life.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] How do you recover from a betrayal?  [6:00] In a society, we are forced to grow up for the betterment of our tribe.  [7:25] What do couples complain the most about?  [11:25] People will commit the same mistakes over and over because they don’t understand the internal errors that they’re making.  [15:25] What happens if you’re stuck in a relationship ‘role’ that you don’t like?  [18:20] What does it mean to be pro-relationship? [20:35] Your attachment needs are not rooted in love. Dr. Stan explains why.  [26:00] Want to know more about Dr. Stan? Link in the show notes!    RESOURCES: <a href="https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sex and Relationship Healing</a> <a href= "https://twitter.com/robweissmsw">@RobWeissMSW</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-101-Basic-Healing/dp/0757318436"> Sex Addiction 101 </a> <a href="https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seeking Integrity</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men </a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Prodependence-Moving-Codependency-Robert-Weiss/dp/075732035X"> Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency</a> Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss <a href= "https://www.thepactinstitute.com/">Thepactinstitute.com</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Each-Others-Care-Relationship-Conflicts-ebook/dp/B0B19FWBXL"> In Each Other’s Care by Dr. Stan Tatkin</a>   QUOTES: <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “There are cultures where it’s emphatically insistent and people do grow up because the culture demands that you operate with each other.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “We do the same things that mess up relationships, no matter what kind of relationships they are, and we always will if we don’t understand our nature.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “Everything I am talking about is inline with being selfish. Being pro-relationship is being pro-self. They are one and the same.” </li> </ul>

Part 2: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses what really is the glue that keeps relationships together, why they are so messy, and how you can better define it with the person you love.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:50] Let’s talk about conflict in a relationship.  [5:05] What do people actually view as ‘important’?  [7:05] People have the ability to ‘make things up’, so it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to a relationship.  [9:25] Someone might be something you’ve always wanted, but they’re also going to be a lot of things that ‘you don’t want’. It’s important to navigate through that.  [11:20] There has to be a reason why two people join together and it has to be for more than just love.  [18:50] How can you move through a relationship consciously?  [23:00] When you’re in the middle of conflict, how do you resolve it or go through it in a healthy way?  [28:35] Sometimes, you need to fall on your sword so that you and your partner can find a way to communicate again. It’s a team sport.  [32:40] Like with everything, good conflict resolution is a skill that anybody can learn. As you learn, you’ll make mistakes, you won’t be perfect, but you will get better at it.  [33:30] How do you have agreement when there’s been a betrayal?    RESOURCES: <a href="https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sex and Relationship Healing</a> <a href= "https://twitter.com/robweissmsw">@RobWeissMSW</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-101-Basic-Healing/dp/0757318436"> Sex Addiction 101 </a> <a href="https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seeking Integrity</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men </a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Prodependence-Moving-Codependency-Robert-Weiss/dp/075732035X"> Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency</a> Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss <a href= "https://www.thepactinstitute.com/">Thepactinstitute.com</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Each-Others-Care-Relationship-Conflicts-ebook/dp/B0B19FWBXL"> In Each Other’s Care by Dr. Stan Tatkin</a>   QUOTES: <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “Conflict is a very human thing. If you’re a human primate, you’re going to get into conflict.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “In a relationship that we are creating, we have to define it. We have to make sure that we are creating the same picture in our heads.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “Love and attraction wanes. A lot goes. But we’re still accountable if we’re going to play fair and work together.” </li> </ul>

Part 1: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Jay and Larry, two men in recovery, to help people understand that addiction is a lot more complex than it seems on the surface. The opinion you have of yourself can keep you stuck in destructive patterns. It’s so important to consciously put yourself in healthy and positive environments, like in a recovery or group program, if you ever wish to break free from the power of addiction.     TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] Larry had this internal dialogue going through his head, “This is just who you are.” [3:20] Larry’s wife found out about him acting out at least 4-5 times. He shares how it completely tore her about.  [6:55] Larry didn’t realize all of his lies were causing his wife PTSD.  [7:25] If there was anything that Larry could change, it would be to tell the truth and to tell it faster.  [8:45] Jay was living in a fantasy world and he didn’t realize it was destroying the people who loved and cared for him.  [13:05] Why did Jay go to a residential program? Wasn’t group therapy enough?  [15:45] Jay was able to prove through actions that he was taking his recovery seriously.  [18:00] Larry’s experience with Dr. Rob was life changing.  [22:15] Mentorship is a very important piece to recovery. Jay has taken this on as part of his recovery and healing journey.  [24:00] When you lose trust with the people you love, then you lose what really defines the relationship.    RESOURCES: <a href="https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/">Sex and Relationship Healing</a> <a href= "https://twitter.com/robweissmsw">@RobWeissMSW</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-101-Basic-Healing/dp/0757318436"> Sex Addiction 101 </a> <a href="https://seekingintegrity.com/">Seeking Integrity</a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BAEK96A/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1"> Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men </a> <a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Prodependence-Moving-Codependency-Robert-Weiss/dp/075732035X"> Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency</a> Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss   QUOTES: <ul> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “What other people don’t know won’t hurt them; is probably the biggest lie in addiction.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “I would think I was telling the truth, but I wasn’t. I’d change a slight detail.” </li> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> “A residential program accelerated my recovery. I was surrounded by people who were experts in the field and at the same time I had peers who made me feel safe.” </li> </ul>

Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW

Sex, Love, and Addiction by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW

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